Diabolic Disasters
by Mordant Michi
Summary: I love torturing characters...not really. But anyway... What do Bulma, Vegeta, Krillin, and Goku do when they are stuck in a tiny ship lost in space? Duh....create trouble of course! It's not as bad as i rate it, just because I like some room in fics...
1. Starting the Mess

Hi everyone! This is my first fanfic... ^ . ^ I'm so proud! Encouraged by another writer to make my own humor fics... I decided that it might be worthwhile to write a little sour humor to threaten the sanity of the general public. Just joking... my writing will (hopefully) not be THAT bad... *giggles* So, as I was saying.... on with the story.....  
  
We must follow the general writing rituals to purify thy works..... ~ . ~*Meditates...just joking*  
  
DISCLAIMER:----where I am forced to admit the truth :(  
  
Me: *screams at the little half bald man in a business suit* WHADDYA MEAN I DON'T OWN DBZ?! I THOUGHT YOU SAID IF I WROTE ABOUT THEM...YOU'D GIVE THEM TO ME!  
  
little bald man:ahem....I said no such thing....  
  
Me: DID TOO!  
  
little bald man: did not...  
  
Me: uh huh!  
  
little bald man: nuh uh...  
  
audience: SHADDUP! WE KNOW YOU DON'T OWN IT, AND THAT'S TOO BIG OF A DISCLAIMER ANYWAY! SO GET ON WITH THE FIC!  
  
Me: OK OK! *glares at little bald man* liar..  
  
little bald man: *slips off quietly...sweating*  
  
now....what you've all been waiting for..... the fic...mwah ha ha ha....  
  
  
  
  
  
Diabolic Disasters- Anything that can go wrong, WILL go wrong.... ^_^*  
  
Once upon a time.... floating a few thousand light years away from a tiny blue marble in the vast universe of intelligent...and less intelligent beings... there was a man. Not just any man.... this man, was one of the heroes of the Earth, the small planet mentioned before. No, it wasn't Superman.... in fact, he was short, not to mention he shaved his head. (DBZ fans, guessed it out yet? If you said no, you're a baka.) This man was just waking up.  
  
Krillin's eyes snapped open as he wrinkled his nose in disgust. He cast an annoyed glance around the room littered with clothing and training equipment. Krillin levered himself up and yawned, slowly crawling out of bed. Damn...one day, I'll make Goku-  
  
"YAAAAAAAH!" Krillin screamed as he tripped over a hidden barbell and crashed head first into the dirty laundry.  
  
Goku, who had been eating in the kitchen, heard the crash and rushed to see what happened. Due to his urgency, he ripped the door off the hinges as he punched it open. With a loud slam the door fell to the floor. Krillin saw Goku emerge in the doorway.  
  
"Hey Krillin...you... huh? HA HA HA HA!!!" Goku laughed as he saw Krillin sitting on the floor, decorated with underwear and an annoyed look on his face.  
  
"Yeah yeah..real funny," said Krillin sarcastically as he flicked the last set of boxers off his head.  
  
"So, you up to some training today?" Goku asked in his usual cheerful manner.  
  
"Guess so... if I recover from the smell of your dirty underwear," replied Krillin with a slight edge on his voice.  
  
"OK! Bulma cooked us breakfast... half of it is burnt, and the other half is not cooked enough. You know, the usual."  
  
Krillin rolled his eyes and got up off the floor. He gave a sigh as he headed toward his wardrobe, picking out his usual orange gi. For a week, he had lived with Goku, Vegeta, and Bulma. He was just about tired out. It wasn't exactly his fault that the space ship had run out of fuel. Goku insisted that dried feces worked fine, like in the pioneer days, that Chi Chi once made him read about when he really bothered her. Bulma said that she was not going to dry anyone's shit, and Vegeta just wouldn't donate. Krillin was against it, plus... when they shared their survival story, it wouldn't be exactly heroic that your solid waste had been dried and burnt so the ship could go. It was Goku and Vegeta's fault that they were out there. Vegeta had been using the ship as a gravity room, and Goku had dragged Krillin to Bulma's house "to say hi". Goku got into a fight with Vegeta whether it was a gravity room or a ship. Krillin's friend just couldn't accept the fact that it was both. Vegeta was causing a royal rampage because Goku had invaded his training session. The commotion was so loud that it brought Bulma in and she started bitching out at them both. Goku still insisted that it was only a ship, and accidentally pressed a button, sending the ship flying into space to an unknown destination.  
  
Krillin winced as he heard a feminine scream tear through the ship. The last week had brought a new meaning to hell. If you knew your math well enough...you'd know that Vegeta+Bulma=something bad. They were practically at each other's throats, and what made it worse was that they couldn't avoid each other, making them both testy.  
  
"Well, excuse ME Mr. Porcupine head.... it's not my damn fault that you and that dolt can't get along!"  
  
"Onna! I am-"began Vegeta.  
  
"Yeah yeah," Bulma said cutting him off, and throwing her blue hair over her shoulder. "I'm the Prince of Asshole Bakas...blah blah blah etc. Save me the lecture....," she muttered, turning to go.  
  
"How dare you defy me you simple onna!"  
  
"Damn, can't you keep your royal ass attitude to yourself?" Bulma spat, looking back over her shoulder.  
  
"Hey guys.... can't we just get along until we make it back to Earth?" Goku suggested meekly poking his head out from the corner.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU THINK?!" screamed Bulma whirling on him.  
  
Both saiyans winced at the sharp impact on their ears. Bulma was fuming, her face turning red, and her lips slowly turning purple. The three boys could swear she had smoke coming out of her ears.  
  
"NO ONE HAS A DAMN CLUE WHERE WE ARE! WE'LL NEVER MAKE IT BACK TO EARTH!"  
  
"Bulma...? Please stop yelling?" whimpered Goku, holding his hands over his ears.  
  
"ARGH! ALL OF YOU JUST SHOOT YOURSELF AND SO I CAN BE RID OF YOU!"  
  
"Saiyans are immune to bullets," retorted Vegeta in a matter-of-fact way.  
  
Bulma muttered a curse under her breath and kicked Vegeta in the shin as hard as she could. Then she stormed off and slammed the door to her bedroom. Only then, when she had finally left, Krillin dared to come out.  
  
"Hm...she's in a good mood today. Don't you think?" smiled Krillin.  
  
"Yeah..." agreed Goku.  
  
  
  
  
  
*giggles*  
  
Like? Like? Want more? Or are you pleading with me to stop the deft torture? mwah ha ha ha..... 


	2. Encouraging the Chaos

*curses*  
  
I just realized...Krillin has no nose. *coff coff* ahem...but I said he did, so he has an itsy bitsy microscopic nose that he can wrinkle in disgust. ^_^  
  
Ok, corny excuse, but the best I can muster. Now, I just hope no big DBZ fan comes to attack me because I enjoy beating up the characters...  
  
Right...so we continue because I'm bored and I have no one better to distress...  
  
Disclaimer: -------where I get into another fight w/ another high executive  
  
me: *storms up to secretary of large building* I OWN DBZ!  
  
secretary: no you don't. that's why you have a disclaimer.  
  
me: Oh, I though disclaimers were an excuse to write silly irrelevant mini fics.  
  
secretary: *adjusts glasses and still squints at me* um...no. And I'm sure your readers would appreciate it if you'd stop writing such long disclaimers.  
  
me: aw, you shaddup. What do you know? Readers? *turns to take a vote and realizes that her fic is in a bottomless pit where no one will find it unless given directions*damn....  
  
secretary: maybe we'll continue when you have more readers.... ahem....  
  
*attempts to put up signs leading to her fic* Hm....not working. I'm a better reviewer than a writer...or at least I think so. ^_^ Anyway.....  
  
  
  
  
  
Encouraging the Chaos- Starvation at it's best  
  
  
  
  
  
Bulma slumped down on her bed. She heard one of the boys outside mutter something about "permanent PMS" but she was too tired to care. She had lost track of the days, the time, and there was basically NOTHING to do. Except bicker with Vegeta of course. Bulma blew an errant strand of hair from her eyes looked around for an alcoholic drink to put her out of her misery. She soon realized that it was not to be found, and glumly sulked. It was a grim situation.  
  
Goku was hungry again. Training hadn't lasted long before his stomach's rumble made a mini earthquake. He dragged his starving carcass over to the fridge and threw it open. A cry of despair filled the air, as he found it almost empty. 8 sandwiches remained...not enough for him to survive on. He thought about eating them all, but then Bulma might throw a fit and he'd die anyway. It was a tough choice. Goku closed his eyes and considered whether starving to death was worse, or being demolished by Bulma's wrath was worse.  
  
Krillin walked into the kitchen and fell back in shock. He had seen something quite miraculous.... Goku was thinking. He hadn't seen that look on his best friend's face in ages. Goku's face could be read like a map, and the roar from his stomach confirmed the suspicions.  
  
"Hungry?" Krillin grinned as he leaned against a wall.  
  
"Hm? Oh hey Krillin...yeah, I'm really hungry...."  
  
"Go eat then..." Krillin smiled.  
  
"We're short on food," Goku sighed heavily.  
  
Krillin's expression fell. He gaped at Goku for a while, and then leaned back in his former easygoing stance grinning.  
  
"You're kidding me," he laughed.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"WHAT?!" He screamed almost hysterically. "WE'LL ALL DIE! WHO KNOWS HOW FAR THE NEXT PLANET IS?!"  
  
"Chill Krillin...."  
  
"CHILL?! DID YOU JUST TELL ME TO CHILL?!" Krillin yelled as his face began to go red.  
  
"Um...yeah," Goku said rubbing the back of his neck nervously.  
  
"HOW DO I CHILL WHEN-..."  
  
"When what?" asked Bulma, deciding that the commotion outside was worth her presence.  
  
"Bulma...." began Krillin slowly.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"We're low on food."  
  
"WHAT?! I'LL PERISH FROM MALNUTRITION! THIS CAN'T HAPPEN! ARGH!" Bulma exclaimed, looking as if she was about to pull her hair out.  
  
Just then, the Prince of Saiyans decided to grace them with his presence. For the slower community: Vegeta came in.  
  
"I'm hungry. Onna, prepare something worthy to eat," he demanded.  
  
"Well, Pain-in-the-ass, if you haven't realized it, we're low on food."  
  
Vegeta shrugged. "When we run out, we'll kill cue ball and eat him."  
  
"Cannibal!" hollered Krillin.  
  
"I'll save you Krillin!" cried Goku courageously diving in front of the shorter warrior.  
  
"No Veggie, we're NOT eating Krillin," Bulma sighed.  
  
"ONNA!"  
  
"Wha-at...?" Bulma asked rolling her eyes.  
  
"Don't call me that! Use my formal name. Vegeta, Prince of-"  
  
"Bitch boys.... gotcha. But the point is, we're short on food, we're lost in space, and we're not eating members of the crew."  
  
"Crew?" snorted Vegeta. "What crew? And since when?"  
  
"Since now. You, Goku, Krillin and I are now one crew, and we're gonna act like it until we're sure we can survive. Hear that?"  
  
"Hear what onna?" smirked Vegeta.  
  
"HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID!"  
  
"I don't bother to listen to the ignorant opinions of freak onnas like you."  
  
"What...did...you...call...me?"  
  
Krillin and Goku gulped. When Bulma spoke slowly like that, it meant there was going to be some hell of a fight later on. 


	3. Choko Choko! Yay!

Yes, I have gone on a solitary, casual strike against fanfiction. In other words, I've been too lazy to write anything for a while. Sigh* But one of my temporary insanity disorders has struck again...also known to the public as "inspiration". That's my excuse for writing again. :P For all of you who are waiting to drool over Vegeta, Goku, Bulma, or Krillin, sorry. This chapter isn't exactly their starring chapter.  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
me: *prepares to bomb the building* I'LL OWN DBZ! eventually....but right now I don't, so don't sue yet.  
  
secretary: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!  
  
me: nothing....  
  
secretary: just press that button to set off that bomb and you'll never get another chapter onto fanfiction.  
  
me: *sulk* fiiiiine.... anyway...  
  
On the planet~  
  
No one could doubt the fact that the King was very excited indeed. (No no no....not excited THAT way, you perverts!) He was pleased that there were aliens reported to be nearing the planet's atmosphere. His citizens had grown tired under his continuous reign of peace and advanced technology, and being of warlike blood, they had grown restless and began looking for a fight.  
  
"FInally!" He laughed when the scientists reported their findings. "Someone else on our planet!"  
  
Vegeta had been right. They weren't friendly people. The planet had little reason to be. In their history, they had been attacked multiple times by invaders, whom caused them much damage. But before we begin to dig through the artifacts of their past, I might as well explain to you who, or more like what these people were.  
  
They were the Choko Choko. (Now isn't that a funny word? Yes, for all of you who are talented in languages, I did get that from the word "restless". ) Their planet was called "Center of the Galaxy". Obviously they weren't very modest people either. They were similar to the Saiyans, only less ruthless and... well.... they didn't have tails. They also had managed to tame their hair and become one of the most beautiful (human-wise, not neutered Dende-wise....sorry Dende fans...is there even such thing as a Dende fan? hm....) species in the Galaxy. Then again, all pretty people seem to have a tendency to get beat up and scar their beauty with wounds....but that's not why they became warlike and aggressive. It was because of outer influence. The Choko Choko soon got a good reputation of well thought out war tactics, and well trained citizens in self defense.  
  
Now this King had a single son, whose name was Plush (don't ask and keep reading, you'll find out). Plush had been the Prince's nickname when he was small, and it seemed to never let go. The nickname clung onto him like the claws of death, and the Prince failed to drop it. So, he was called Prince Plush. (May this be a warning to all parents and guardians. Beware of the nicknames you call your children when they are small. It may lead to eternal humiliation.) Plush had a younger sister named....get ready....  
  
  
  
Lily (now that isn't so bad, now is it...) who was named after her Mother's favorite plant. The Mother herself was Mervia, and the King was known as Xavier (because they like the x!). Now that you've gotten all the names, don't confuse yourself and shutup so I can continue talking like a moron.  
  
Now that we've introduced them...we can move on...  
  
Lily pranced into Plush's room.  
  
"Hey, Plush, did you hear?"  
  
"Hear what?" Plush asked, looking up from his book.  
  
"We have visitors, brother! Visitors!"  
  
"Bah, you call prisoners of war visitors. Is it anything significant?" he asked flipping back his headphones and turning them off.  
  
"Significant!" Lily exclaimed. "You know not! They fell from the sky. Father says they're the first to land on the planet in YEARS! Aren't we lucky to see them?"  
  
"Lucky...lucky indeed...." he muttered sarcastically, putting on his headphones again and continuing to read his book.  
  
"I can't believe you don't really care, Plush!" Lily cried angrily storming out.  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the palace, the siblings' parents seemed to be having the same topic being discussed.  
  
"Xavier, are you sure they won't be a threat? They're vunerable, we could destroy them in mid-space!"  
  
The king shook his head slowly. "Our planet has been too long without conflict. The people will embrace this chance, and defeat any power I wish against these newcomers."  
  
"Why must we be a race of lust, entertainment, and such?" sighed Mervia, rubbing her temples.  
  
"You mustn't ask it in such a manner," chided Xavier. "It's not why are we like this, it's how will we deal with it."  
  
Mervia sighed and slowly nodded. "So, we welcome these...new aliens?"  
  
"Yes...but armed and dangerous. No king has died too cautious, you know, Mervia."  
  
"Yes..." Mervia smiled. "Yes, I do know."  
  
~~~~On the ship~~~~~  
  
"Onna! What are you doing?!" Vegeta yelled yet AGAIN.  
  
"Didn't I tell you? I'm getting ready to land!"  
  
"Well we're running out of time!" He yelled back.  
  
Bulma ran over to check the statistics and then slapped Vegeta.  
  
"Liar. We still have an hour at least until we land. I've slowed everything, so we approach gradually."  
  
Vegeta shrugged and watched the blue planet swirl beneath him. If only he could remember more about these species.  
  
~~~~~~Choko Choko~~~~~~  
  
Plush turned off his headphones, put out the light, and put away everything. He laid back in his bed, looking out the window in his room. He sighed in comfort, and wondered what would be learned from these newcomers. 


	4. Evil tutor and a crash landing

Tra la la la...I haven't updated in a LONG LONG TIME! Probably because my fics aren't APPRECIATED ENOUGH! *growls* Anyhow....I still manage to have those moments where i feel obliged to write. Here goes.....  
  
The round curious eyes peered from behind the rock where the owner of these set of eyes was hiding. It followed the movement of four mysterious characters.  
  
Vegeta coughed and rubbed the dust from his eyes as he stumbled out from the burning mess that remained of their ship.  
  
"Damn onna...you just HAD to crash, didn't you?"  
  
"Well," Bulma said angrily, not too happy herself. "If you hadn't hit my elbow while I was adjusting the controls, WE WOULDN'T HAVE!"  
  
"Good Kami..." Krillin muttered. "They never shut up do they?"  
  
"I'm hungry."  
  
"....."  
  
"Well," Bulma began, raising an eyebrow and glaring irritably. "What do we do now, oh great king of assholes?"  
  
"Don't test me, onna...." Vegeta growled in response.  
  
"Oh, I'm afraid I already did...." Bulma said, making her voice sickeningly sweet and fluttering her eyelashes. (Or whatever that movement is called.)  
  
Vegeta ignored her and kicked aside a rock with his boot. He frowned in thought. Something was nagging him. Something that he should have remembered about the Choko Choko (ok....around now, the name gets stupid). His eyes suddenly lit up with an idea and he carefully hovered and drifted away like a cloud blown by the wind.  
  
"And where the HELL do you think YOU'RE going, dumbass?"  
  
"Baka onna, shut up if you have any sense," Vegeta hissed. "What part of 'not friendly' do you not understand?"  
  
"Hey hey hey...guys..." Krillin interrupted. "I've been quiet all this time, and I just can't take it anymore. Can you guys just stop the name calling until we can get ourselves back to Earth?"  
  
"I'm hungry..." Goku wimpered again in the background.  
  
His three companions rolled their eyes and they began to head into the forest that surrounded them. Goku blinked in confusion and tagged along behind them.  
  
The eyes blinked again. A giggle. It knew what it would do... Slowly, the eyes melted into the forest scenery, as mysterious and as silent as it had come.  
  
............  
  
"Oh, DON'T YOU LIE TO ME, PLUSH!" cried Lily. "You fed my homework to the jaguar, and you know it!"  
  
The tutor waved his long hickory twig impatiently over their heads in a menacing way.  
  
"Well, Prince Plush [a/n: pffft! That was such a dumb name]? Have anything to say for yourself?"  
  
"Jaguars don't eat paper," the maroon haired boy replied calmly, with his deep crimson eyes staring peacefully ahead, his golden complexion without fear [that's a funny mix of colors, now isn't it?].  
  
His pale, blond, elf-like sister glared at him with her dark green eyes.  
  
"Well, you took it, and I know it!"  
  
The tutor's hickory stick twitched dangerously over their heads like a cat's tail. Suddenly, it cracked upon the table causing the younger child to jump.  
  
"Stop your disgusting noise," growled the tall creepy man [tall creepy men...what will I think of next - . -...].  
  
Both children stared at him silently.  
  
"Yes, Gerontius," they finally said in unison.  
  
"That's better....now about this homework...."  
  
"SIR!" a voice cried suddenly.  
  
A messenger burst through the door.  
  
"Sir!" repeated the panting man. "The newcomers have landed! They were seen by the Phydeaux monster of the Mountains. The royal children are commanded to join his Highness in the main court."  
  
Gerontius sighed and waved his hand dismissively. "Young Princess, you better have your homework tommorrow."  
  
Lily gave him a warm smile and skipped off after her older brother.  
  
  
  
Well? Fine...I'll admit I'm a bit rusty....but hey, at least i'm writing again, right? 


End file.
